Getting Back on the Datewagon - Easier Said Than Done
There are tons of articles and threads out there about being single, being in a relationship or getting over a breakup. You know what isn't talked about often?
How hard it is to allow someone new into your life when you've been without for so long. Now THAT'S what I want to talk about.
I've been on the solo end of things for three years and some change. Putting aside everything that has to do with healing from a breakup, and the whole saga of going through the stages of grief and all, there's something else that happens once the whole acceptance bit is over: someone new tries to enter your world, and while you're excited about it, you're also TERRIFIED at letting someone in. You literally don't know how to be in a relationship anymore.
I have my own place, I do things a certain way and have gotten used to being alone. When someone comes in and shakes things up, even if it is with the added bonus of awesome positive attention, I go into self-preservation mode. I automatically get nervous at this person entering my comfort zone and the thought of getting used to them. Immediate thoughts are about getting hurt, picking up the little pieces left from however long the current situation lasts, and almost always expecting the worst from a person I barely even know.
So on this path of self-improvement and hopefully finding that one person I'm meant to be with (yeah, yeah, corny, I know. Deal with it), I've decided to throw in the towel and just go with it. Let the fear wash over me, let the thoughts come and go as they please but NOT let them make decisions for me. Sure, I run the risk of getting hurt, but I've been sitting on the sidelines for long enough to know that while I do alone really well, deep down I wish for someone to share my days with.
I'm still perfecting this whole journey towards not giving a shit and just going with the flow, but as I try to be all YOLO, I do falter and shut things down only to have those I confide in slap me with their words of "just go with it", "don't think too much", "what's the worst that could happen?"... that last one is just asking for a horrible scenario but we're going to be positive here, mmkay?
So how does one avoid a freak out situation when someone shows interest in being with them?
Here's what's worked so far:
- The aforementioned conversations with those I confide in who slap sense and a pair of you know what my direction
- A glass of wine. HA, did I say glass? I meant bottle
- An evening with the person in question - I mean, there's a reason this is up for discussion after all
- Internally yelling at myself that I need to stop being such a girl and just go with it
- Being positive. When I'm thinking negatively (i.e. expecting the worst) I try my damnedest to switch the thought to a positive one instead
- Escape the thought entirely by distracting myself (who am I kidding? I don't know how to do that)